Go for the Gold

The Lord has really been teaching me a lot lately about intentionality. I know he wants me to be very intentional with everything that I do. I am coming to realize that so many things that I spend my time on have nothing to do with helping me reach my goals.

I really love the sermon series our church has been doing called Go for the Gold. It is focusing on families and how to intentionally teach your children about God & life by running for a goal and having the discipline to win. Even though we don't have kids yet, I am really learning a lot. The principals of being purposeful and intentional with your family and children can carry over into every area of your life.

Many of you know that Bobo & I have been trying to get pregnant for a while now. In fact, it will be 2 years on my birthday next week. Wow... 2 years! Even though this season of our lives has been one of the hardest, we have also learned lessons that we would never have learned otherwise. Through tests and doctor's visits and all the pain that comes with infertility, God has been there. I look back on the hardest times and especially on the times when I asked Him why He left me in this barren place all alone and I realize He was holding me all along. He has loved me enough to teach me the hard lessons in life.

The lessons of faith, trust and patience are not the easiest to learn, but they have been some of the most rewarding. It takes a special parent to allow their children to hurt and struggle. You must put aside all of your own feelings and do what is best for them. I have battled through intense disappointment, feelings of abandonment and loneliness, the stress of not being in control (which I am very fond of), and every other emotion you can think of. And yet, I am still here.I am still ever more in love with my creator. I get new mercy & strength every morning. And, He comforts me with the knowledge that He is with me and will never leave me.

Bobo and I have a goal for our family even before all of the members are entrusted to us. We have decided to start working toward our goal now by allowing God to work in and through us. I am not perfect or even very good at waiting, but every day, every month, every year, I get better and better at it. I know little Josiah and his siblings will be with us one day, and when that day comes, we'll be ready. I thank God every day for allowing me this pain. It sounds strange and backwards I know, but what about travelling down this road with Jesus isn't strange and backward?

I appreciate my pastor being a "call it like I see it" kind of guy. This series hasn't always been easy for me to listen to because of the nature of the season I am in, but the best sermons are never easy.